KK Crack Fics
by WildHeartsR5
Summary: Series of KK crack fics. Not to be taken seriously. No flames please. May involve stress baking and some breaking and entering... ;)
1. Chapter 1

The fire had spread from the trashcan in time square towards the castle.

"Damn it Gerald! We told you that you couldn't stay here anymore."

"But I need a home."

"Put the fire out, this is the third one this month. If you want to have trashcan fires so bad go back to living in the alleyway down the road."

"I will be back for you Disney." Gerald then disappeared in a puff of green and purple smoke.

Little did Walt Disney know he had just created Maleficent.

 **Sorry not sorry. Cali and I are tired and bored and they are crack fics for a reason. Peace.**


	2. Chapter 2

The ivory colored dress swirled around her ankles as she danced with her prince. No just kidding Willa settled for Philby instead.

 **Yeah that just happened. We are not sorry. Leave a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

Philby starred into Willa's eyes. He knew he needed to tell her.

"Willa I love-"

She thought she knew what he was about to say. He was about to tell her he loved her.

"I love Elvis." He finishes with a loud sigh.

"What, your cat!"

"I thought you would be supportive of our relationship." He said tears sparkling in his blue eyes.

"Honey that is probably gonna end up being bestiality." She says in a calm tone.

"Well it will just be reverse Beauty and the Beast."

Jess woke suddenly. She quickly sketched the scene knowing that in just a few days it would happen and it would be just as awkward as in her dream.

 **Should we be sorry cause we aren't. They are only going to get weirder. Anyway review. No flames this is merely for entertainment purposes. It isn't supposed to be taken seriously.**


	4. Chapter 4

Maybeck sat in his chair with a far off look in his eye. His face was noticeably pale and he looked almost sickly.

"Maybeck is everything okay?" Charlene asked putting what she hoped to be a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"No." His voice was low and his tone flat.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes flickered with concern.

"War flashbacks."

"Dude you're like twelve."

"You're never too young for war flashbacks." With those words he stood abruptly and disappeared in a poof of glitter, young children's tears and bullets from the past.

 **Still not sorry. Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

The cold air entered the store as Jess walked in. She sat down at the table with her friends. She slowly unwrapped the scarf from around her face. The fabric has dishevel her mustache.

"Excuse but can I have a bowl of tomato soup?" She says to the waiter. He gives her a scared look before hurrying off to place her order.

Everyone else shared looks of confusion. Jess now had a sensei mustache, it drooped off the sides of her face but there was no facial hair under her nose.

The waiter places the bowl in front of her before walking away quickly. She picks the bowl up and sips from it not noticing her mustache dipping into it.

"Um Jess-" Amanda starts but it quickly interrupted.

"Don't call me Jess my name is Sensei, and don't say anything about my mustache." She snaps. Everyone becomes uncomfortably quiet and they spend the rest of the time starring at Jess's facial hair wondering what the hell was happening.

 **Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

The car radio was turned up as loud as it could go. Philby and Maybeck sat in the car singing as loud as they could to the radio.

"Fuck the police coming straight from the underground." They shouted together with the song.

Police lights reflected in the rear view mirror and Maybeck slowly pulled off to the side of the road.

"Sir do you know why I pulled you over?" The officer asks.

Philby leans towards the window turning down the music as he does. His black ski mask is covering his bright hair.

"Is it because we're black?" His accent is strong and the officer blushes and feigns confusion.

"No it's not, you music is too loud disrespectful."

Maybeck looks shocked then rips open his jacket shouting "I am a child of Disney."

The cop slowly walks away confused and Maybeck looks down at all of his Disney pins glad that he had them with him.

 **Probably really should be sorry but we aren't. We are tired and kinda very crazy. Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

A drunk Finn, Philby, and Maybeck wandered around the Magic Kingdom. They noticed the carousel shining in the distance. They quickly turned the music box on and stumbled onto Jingles. They were successfully transferred back to when they were just in their first year of saving the parks.

"Hey yo tiny me come he we need to talk." Finn shouts.

The three younger versions of them come over looking curious as to why their future selves are there.

"So who do I end up with in the future?" Tiny Finn asks.

"Well you see you end up with Maybeck-" Finn starts.

"Wait what I end up with him?" Tiny Maybeck shrieks.

"No you all end up together, the three of you." Philby says happily.

"The ginger too! But he will take my soul and eat it." Finn shouts. The ever macho baby Maybeck dramatically faints.

The three older boys walk off laughing about how they totally pulled off that prank. Blissfully unaware that they had just fucked up their future by changing their past.

 **Review bro...**


	8. Chapter 8

Charlene sat on the couch with her laptop perched precariously on the edge. Maybeck sat beside her watching over her shoulder as she absorbed the information in the makeup tutorial.

"That looks so complicated." Maybeck groans.

"It's not." She says. She then grabs his hand and sits him down on a chair in their dinning room. Twenty minutes later his face is covered in makeup. His phone buzzes with a text and he gets up.

"Gotta go meet the guys. Bye babe." He kisses Charlene leaving a lipstick stain on her cheek. He is out of the house before she can remind him to take the makeup off.

He finds the guys waiting for him by the partner's statue.

"Oh my god Maybeck what lotion are you using? Your skin looks great and your eyes just seem to pop." Finn compliments. Philby nods in approval of Finn's statement.

Willa watches from the background recording everything per Charlene's order. One hand covers her mouth to stifle her laughter the other clutching her phone.

"Mommy look it's Tiana." A little girl shouts while running up and hugging Maybeck.

 **Review Now! Please...**


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey Willa, Willa. Hey wake up." Philby says tapping her shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Willa screams her fist coming in contact with his jaw.

"You made me drop the pie." His voice is laced with sadness.

"Why are you in my room and how did you even get in here?"

"Well the window was unlocked." The aforementioned window allows a faint breeze to enter to room.

"Get out now!" She shouts pointing at the window. He then climbs out the window jogging back to his house.

The next morning Willa wakes to a pie sitting in her window. She grumbles about him breaking and entering as she devours the pie.

Finn sits in his kitchen eating the cookies left on the counter. He notices after his third cookie that they aren't the normal chocolate chips his mom makes. "Philby" He whispers to the cookie before taking another bite.

Charlene wakes up to a batch of cupcakes on her dresser and sighs. "He is back at it again, I just wish he would stop breaking in. He always did have a baking problem."

 **Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

The keepers where all in Finn's basement for another one of their special sleepovers. Philby was upstairs baking cookies with Mrs. Whitman and from the amount of time he was gone everyone could only assume it was going to be a lot. Maybeck came back downstairs from using the bathroom.

"Wow Finn didn't know your sister liked strawberry shampoo so much." Maybeck quips as he takes his seat on the couch.

"What are you talking about?" Finn asks confused.

"There is like eight bottles of strawberry shampoo in your shower."

"Oh those are ugh mine." Finn mumbles. Amanda leans closer taking a strand of his hair and sniffing it. She then makes various hand motions which everyone just assumes means that he is telling the truth.

"I knew it!" Willa shouts doing a small victory dance.

"So what brand is it?" Charlene asks.

"It's the off brand Walmart stuff." Maybeck supplies.

"Oh really that's the kind my mom uses. Maybe that's why you smell like her." Charlene trails off deep in thought.

The next morning as they all leave they are each handed a bag of almost twenty cookies and a bottle of shampoo.

 **YO Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

"It's so cold Panda-Chan." She said as she tried to take Philby's coat.

When he didn't give it to her she shouted "Why don't you love me Panda-Chan?"

"Cause you keep calling everyone Panda-Chan." His face turned red, almost as red as his hair. He was choking to death and Willa just stood there watching.

With a gentle kiss on his forehead she left his body there to freeze.

Her words dissipating with the wind "Goodbye Panda-Chan."

 **Guys and Chicks please review we really like reviews. Plus it helps our weirdness evolve.**


	12. Chapter 12

Death casually strolled into Magic Kingdom with all the DHI's by his side. They all wore their classy sunglasses and did that weird walk people try to do to look cool. The wind blew dramatically thanks to Maybeck who was holding up a hair dryer for the added affect of wind.

The walked up to Maleficent and she starred at Death horrified.

"Time to go." He said in a flirty tone. Her expression changed and a smile broke out on her face. She looped her arm around Death's and they walked away.

"Damn it another one of my plans failed." Finn grumbled.

"See this is why I should have been leader." Philby quipped from the background.

 **#Death yo. Review or he will come for you and so will his girlfriend Maleficent.**


	13. Chapter 13

The cat made a strange noise as it charged from the doorway. Its claws clicked loudly on the wood floor as it crossed the room, heading upstairs. Three tall shapes shadowed the animal, slipping through the house. The cat paused, its paw on a step, and the tallest shape lunged for it. After a few moments of yowls, screams, and scratches, a light upstairs turns on.

"Maybeck, Finn, Philby; what are you doing to that poor cat?!" Mrs. Philby shouts from the upstairs landing.

The three boys all mumble apologies before sharing triumpiant grins and high fives. Maybeck shifts uncomfortably with the cat in his arms.

"Now we can paint him to look like a panda, Willa will love this!" Philby exclaimed.

"Sorry Elvis." Finn said without a note of regret in his voice.

THE END!

 **Ok I know I haven't posted anything in a really really long time. I promise i'm not dead. I just have awful writer's block but I'm gonna try and get back into this. Also I have a stick... not sure why I just said that but it felt important. Since I haven't post there will be another chapter posted right after this.**


	14. Chapter 14

"You're not putting up the Halloween decorations properly," Willa pulled the string of skeleton garland from where he had strung it. She moved towards him quickly and wrapped it around his neck. He made a strangled cry of distress. Clawing at the string he struggled to break free. His face turned purple and he collapsed. She starred at his dead body for a moment. Slowly she unwrapped the garland, hung it back up in its rightful place and turned to walk away. She turned back one last time to whisper, "Goodbye Panda-Chan."

 **This was to get into the Halloween spirit. I hope you all like it. Also you should all go check out my YouTube channel, my channel name is Vega's Vlogs. I post lots of fun stuff you will really like it. Like I said I'm gonna try and update on here more. I am however still trying to work through my writer's block. So just bare with me. I love you all so much for putting up with my lack of updates. I'm trying to come back and be a part of this. So thank you all for supporting me as I try to test out writing again.**


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Amanda,

You bitch how dare you slap my baby.

I know where you live. I will cut tiny holes in all of your stuff. Even your socks...

I hope you get run over by a drunk moose and he drinks your blood to sober up.

Someone needs to help you. You're showing signs of becoming a sociopath.

I'm done. I'm packing my bags and taking the first flight to fuck-you-ville and staying at the you're-an-asshole hotel. Also I have taken your cat to accompany me on my trip.

Please insert a middle finger emoji here. I mean it in the nicest way possible.

I'm blocking you I swear. Wait this is a letter. Never mind.

Love Finn

P.S. I think Maybeck drugged me and don't show this to Amanda...


End file.
